Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
