Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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