I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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