I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Did I show you my penis last night?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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