Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
