i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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