It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
