Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
