Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish you could order shots online.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you will always have a special place in my vag
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
