Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
