she takes plan B like it's going out of style
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
