I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
