I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
