dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
