You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize