I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
