i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
