just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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