i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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