I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
