Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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