make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
