It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
