people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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