Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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