I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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