I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
