Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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