You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
