One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
