so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
