Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
