I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
