You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
