brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
