I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize