Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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