Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How's work?
Spinning.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
