Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
