hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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