I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
