You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
