Apparently you make a good broom.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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