worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
