and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
