whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize