went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
