She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
