Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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