Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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