youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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