BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
