i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
