Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
