Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
