They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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