btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
