I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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