The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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