So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
