Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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