Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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