omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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