why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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