Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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