needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
