Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
