hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my poor anus
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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