My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
