found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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