Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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