shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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