i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
