To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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