so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Shame is for Republicans.
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