Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
