I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
