I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
